Carrie Bradshaw, I don't need you anymore
How priorities change and a woman turns inwards
Too young but old enough
I was too young for Sex and the City when it first aired in June 1998. For the 14-year-old, it felt like a window to something magical. The lifestyle, the bustling streets, and classic backdrop of the Upper East Side were enough to captivate me. I never really stopped to wonder if anyone actually lived that way.
Carrie’s lifestyle mesmerized me. I already knew I wanted to be a writer, but I had little understanding of what the profession really entailed.
An Escape for Escapists
Carrie made us dream about the lifestyle of a writer. She created a whole culture from her tiny apartment, at brunches, and during gallery openings. In Carrie’s world, women mattered. Our stories mattered.
Nobody seemed to care that her lifestyle didn’t match her salary. She was paid $4 per word, but who’s interested in reality when you can be part of a fantasy? Not me.
Carrie’s lifestyle offered an escape, an alternative way of doing things. She encouraged us to believe that we could build a whole career around our passions. She did things differently and didn’t play it safe.
And when she typed out that question at the end of each scene, I couldn’t help but wonder: Could this be possible for me, too?
And then we all started blogging.
Blogging, a mighty machine
Carrie helped shape lifestyle-driven writing during the 2000s. After all, she was the original influencer but not in social media rather than on the side of a NYC bus passing you on the street.
I didn’t think of Carrie when I started to blog in 2004. It was a dog blog where I kept track on our dog agility and obedience training sessions. I had a community of readers but it stayed quite small.
My actual breakthrough happened with my photography blog in 2011 when I started to share my photos and thoughts about photography. Five years later I had thousands of readers each week.
When social media, especially Instagram, hit the scene, blogging rapidly faded. It was easier to find everything in one place. But every once in awhile, I noticed I missed blogging. Publishing something in my own little nook on the internet felt completely different from hoping for the best with a post on Instagram.
When I discovered Substack, I wasn’t surprised that many people felt like blogging had been reinvented. I hear you.
We’re after the idea
I left my day job as a project manager at the end of 2011. I wasn’t ready to become a full-time photographer yet, but once I got the idea, I also got very impatient.
I was after freedom and wanted to create something, to make a living on my own terms. I was chasing the idea of a full-time photographer’s life—my own version of Carrie’s life.
But aren’t we always after the idea?
Even Plato knew it. In his Theory of Forms, he suggested that every material object or concept in our world is an imperfect representation of its ideal form. For example, a physical chair is an imitation of the “ideal” chair in the World of Ideas; every chair in the material world reflects this perfect concept, but none can fully reach it.
Carrie’s life is like that, too—a flawless image of a writer’s life that’s just an ideal, something we can never fully live. Sex and the City sold us the idea of a creative professional doing a bit of this and a bit of that on her own terms. It’s irresistible, really. But while Carrie (and many other female characters in TV, movies, and books after her) made it look so easy, we know the reality is something different.
I recently came across a wonderful Note by
where she shared her writing setup. I had to jump in and comment.This right here is Plato for you. It’s like writing in a coffee shop: the chairs are always a bit uncomfortable, and I always wonder if it’s okay to pull out a laptop without getting that look from the staff.
Everything is always better as an idea.
My Private Practice
It’s okay to want to be Carrie. Recognizing a certain desire helps us implement bits and pieces of that life into our own. For many of us, writing online and the connections we’ve made have been, and still are, very meaningful.
But being a creative professional in 2024—in my case, a photographer, writer, and (now former) podcaster—often requires a public lifestyle on social media. It’s not enough to share your work, but you also need to keep up with Instagram and TikTok trends, dance, and even do a headstand now and then.
I got tired. I wasn’t interested in having my face on the side of a bus.
For me, the turning point was a mix of becoming a parent, wanting to work from 9 to 5 (I never thought I’d say this!), and simply finding joy in turning inward. In the end, the decision was fairly easy: I decided to focus on my PR/communications clients and stop marketing my photography services. I also quit my podcast, which ran for over 150 episodes.
I’ve been so happy with this change.
Suddenly, I didn’t have to strive for visibility. Letting go has brought me so much peace and fulfillment. I still write, photograph, and connect with my clients—but now it’s without the performance. I don’t have to be “out there” all the time. Then along came Substack, offering a quiet place for my photography and words. It feels a bit like blogging again, and this inward shift is exactly what I needed.
We Need Carries
But we need Carries. We do. We also need Jonases and Jasmines and Christines and Sams. These rockstars once made me dream of a photographer’s lifestyle and inspired me to establish my business. Has it felt anything like I thought it would? Not really, but I’ve enjoyed the ride just the same.
I’ve always liked the saying “fake it ’til you make it.” Some hate it, but for me, it reflects life as a new creative business owner entering the market.
The beginner benefits from playing big—acting bigger, more confident, and more professional than they actually are. Only the true professional profits from vulnerability and showing what they don’t know. It’s not this black and white, but brand building is always trust building.
But we need Carries. We need to see that some people did it. They paved the way. We need to see people shattering glass ceilings and walls, and everything made of glass, just so we know it’s possible. Sex and the City not only inspired women to pursue writing but also to consider what they want to do with their lives—something that’s been permitted for men throughout history.
This might be a farewell to Carrie—I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want to be you anymore. But I’m so ready to binge-watch the show once more, to remind myself that I matter, that my wants, needs, and creations matter, and that I can exist without the viral dances on Instagram. That attitude is what I want to pass on to my kiddo as well.
Just don’t watch it before you’re 18. 🤞🏼
Beautifully conveyed Nani!
Love how wove the idea of Carrie into sharing your story, and the depth you share.
“The beginner benefits from playing big—acting bigger, more confident, and more professional than they actually are. Only the true professional profits from vulnerability and showing what they don’t know.”